I don't know of a greater gift that could have been given to me. I was still 16 years old when you were put into my arms. A sister. I gained a front row seat to motherhood and I cherished it.
Oh, how I loved you but our time was short. We crammed lots of games, Dr. Seuss and funny, made-up dances into our three years together before I up and got married and started having babies of my own. I'll never forget the look on your face when I left the church that night after the wedding. Why did I not talk to you about it before then? I put off until the last minute telling you that I was leaving and not coming back home. I cried for you the first three months of my marriage.
You grew. You grew up alongside my own children, as their very young and awesome aunt.
And it seems surreal that we are now planning your wedding. What an amazing and glorious testimony of God's gracious gift to you and Kip, that we will all get to witness! This weekend your name will change, your social status will change and your fourth finger will wear a permanent gold band.
The bouquets are being made, the clothing is getting coordinated, hotel reservations for out-of-town guests are being confirmed and the honeymoon plans are getting finalized.And I am praying for you... for the exciting adventure you're about to begin...
because marriage is under attack. Has been since Mother Eve took that bite. Of the half that survive, many couples live their entire lives without ever experiencing the blessing of a Christ-focused marriage. Like you, many of them had beautiful weddings as well.
In a culture where gender lines are blurred, submission is a dirty word and the covenant of marriage before a Holy God is easily disregarded, there aren't many places you can go to learn how to be an excellent, ruby-excelling wife.
Not many song lyrics will tell you that marriage is about your holiness, not your happiness.
Not many chick flicks will tell you that marriage may require daily dying to yourself.
Not many magazines will tell you that there are times your husband won't deserve your respect but you are commanded to give it to him anyway, and that the overwhelming joy of marriage is achieved only by living according to His commands.
I pray for you that the Lord would give you grace when the hard times come because someplace down the road love may have moments devoid of emotion and require an act of the will. When the flower girls have long out-grown their dresses and your groom starts losing his hair and (if you are so blessed) the pregnancy weight clings to you like you vowed it never would. I am asking the Lord to give you a deeper, more constant definition of love for your husband that comes with time and commitment.
And I pray for him that he will bear with you, love you like Christ does His church, giving himself for you. Because you won't deserve it. None of us do. You will twist the toothpaste tube instead of rolling it like he does, and you will wash his socks with a red t-shirt when there is no money to go buy new socks, and you will have PMS that makes him scratch his head in bewilderment and makes him want to go live in the corner of the rooftop. But I pray he will dwell with you in understanding.
I am praying that you will learn to see your husband's expression of love for you in things like honey-do's or keeping the fuel tank full, even when you crave roses and romance instead. And that you will love him well, losing your life in his purpose and calling.
I am praying that you can submit to a man that will fail you, sometimes beyond what you think you can bear. That you will lean on the Lord and depend on His supernatural strength during those times. You will be tempted to rationalize about submission, inwardly mouthing Satan's condescending question, "Surely God didn't really say that!"
But God did say it.
And you will now be a helper. Being called a helper makes the blood pressure rise ever so slightly in each one of us. It's a cultural norm for us to associate weakness and even inferiority with someone who merely assists. Who wants to play second fiddle? But it takes two violins to harmonize, and the music of Biblical roles in marriage is so beautiful. Women are never more regal and lovely than when they cherish their responsibility as helper.
Your husband needs you. He is incomplete without you. And you are the one that God chose to complete Kip while you were both still sleeping in cribs and sucking pacifiers. Praise His Name! You are, by God's detailed design, Kip's perfectly fit counterpart.
My deepest regrets in my marriage are for the times when I've failed the Lord by not being a respectful and submissive helper.
I pray for the both of you that forgiveness will be the overriding premise in your marriage.
My Sister, I am praying you will discipline yourself to submit to God's will for your marriage relationship--to live as your husband's helper, submitting to and respecting his position and gracefully developing a gentle and quiet spirit as the two of you pursue God's calling for your lives, serving Him together as one flesh. I will be blessed beyond description to watch you walk the aisle and pledge your forever faithfulness to a wonderful man like Kip.
I love you, Hannah.
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